I must apologize for my rudeness in the preceding blog entry. I was rather irked (by the way, if there was a word related to 'irked' that defined one who performed irking, that word might be 'irker', which, I should point out, consists of the exact same letters used in 'Riker'. Coincidence? I think so) by the abrupt and inconvenient mood swing my computer chose to subject me to. But, after a long and busy set of days, or quite possibly weeks, I've regrouped and will attempt, to the best of my ability, to recreate this entry, and perhaps to garnish it with a little more than you'd have bargained for had you seen the original.
I have officially received my job offer from Axis New York, validating the prophecy that I will indeed triumph over Hellabitch (see CIRCUITOUS). But despite this much welcome (and modestly overdue) good news, I am still overwhelmed by my issues at home. To bring all the uninitiated up to speed in the least unsettling terms possible, my father is continuing his difficult battle with cancer, and the battle is about to end. For a plethora of reasons, I was unable to involve my father in, and in extreme cases, even inform him of, some of the largest affairs of my life, such as the purchase of my home, due to my reluctance to impart upon him any more food for stress. I refused to tell him anything that I knew would make him fearful and worried sick at a time when he had nothing to face but the worry and fear.
This was all remedied last week when I delivered to him a letter that took me the better part of a month to compose, that presented him with every detail of everything he deserved to know, up to and including my deep disturbance regarding the circumstances by which Cathie (Spouse 2.0) would have control over the assets my father chose to leave me in his will. It was a very rocky affair, delivering this letter, especially since at a time when I wanted nothing more than to make new wonderful memories with him, I was forced to discuss so trivial a thing as money. But, being a homeowner now, I have to look at things differently today. Everything is about security. I have to write my own will. But I digress. The long and the short of it is, so many people close to me have stressed that even though I did not have the heart to put this on my father at this time, it was something I honestly had to do. As you might imagine, Cathie had a thing or two to say about this, and she and I ended up going at it for a couple rounds of attacks and defense of each other's position. In the end, she understood that I had no reservations about her as a person, just about the lack of legal cement between the building blocks of my father's greater goals and intentions. In the end, Cathie and I were able to part ways respecting each other, and understanding a little better the view from the opposite side of the fence. But it's far from resolved, all the same.
And the bills keep rollin' in, to add crap icing to the shit cake. I will probably be on a leave of absence from Old Navy and push back my starting date for Axis long enough to make a difference back here in Elmira (in light of that 'irked' train of thought earlier, I believe I could validly define a new verb derived from my name, similar to the relationship between 'irked' and 'irker'. In other words, I'm going to start using the word 'Riked' to describe an instance in which I have a certain effect upon someone or something, as in, "You've just been Riked! Ooohhh!". Of course, I am the only person who would have the capability to Rike someone; for everyone else, 'Riked' is only something that could happen to them; This does not mean that I cannot be Riked myself. Just that no one else can Rike me. Oh, yeah, and the proper usage would dictate that in print you'd have to capitalize it regardless of where it appears in a sentence... just because I feel like being a dick about it. I still don't know whether it should be used to describe a positive or negative effect. Perhaps it could universally describe both positive AND negative , like the popular racial slur/title of 'cool' status, 'Nigga.') , which means I don't expect to return until after every project is done and every obligation is fulfilled. I just gotta hold out for the new job scenario of October, in which I'll be posting 40 hours a week in overnight shifts renovating the store. I'll also be ramping up on (daytime) hours at Axis during the same period, but it is unclear whether I will still be traveling to Elmira as often as I have been.
In the worst case scenario, I'll have to bid a temporary adieu to the social nightlife to which I am so accustomed. But hell, if Jesus can sit there in Heaven and have to listen to 10 billion motherfuckers practicing on their harps every day*, then I can certainly hold down 2 jobs and travel for a few weeks. The music might have to stop for a spell, as well, as gigs definitely occupy a great deal of time and energy. But, if you can sit where you are and not have to listen to me play for a month, then all the better for you.
On a lighter note, I recently purchased a new keyboard and mouse, both of which are wireless and snazzy like the Fonz. I am infatuated with them. Yes, it is true that I am one of those for whom 'nerd' can be a verb. Further happiness is as follows: I am still, despite not having seen this girl in weeks, smitten by her. I am confident that the relationship between us will advance soon. I know this by subtle intuition, though it might also be that I've been blinded by foolhardy optimism. Soon enough, I'll know.
Next entry will most likely chronicle my musical endeavors as of late, including, but not limited to, the Smuttfest Concert, my recent studio experiences, and maybe even a little surprise link, like this one to Riker's Media Repository.
*I'd like to extend credit to Richard Pryor for the Jesus joke.
Wednesday, September 01, 2004